FACE OFF: FRENCHIES VS. CHILDREN

W.C. Fields proclaimed “Never work with children or pets.” Well, what about both? See Modern Family, the show is ripe with children and the adorable mischievous frenchie Stella, who upstages Sofia Vergara, much to her character’s dismay.

How do Frenchies and Kids stack up against one another?


COST

Kids: they need to look ‘cool’ and must have the right toys to learn and books because kids need to be able to read and write. $132,161 annually are spent on kids. A human baby will cost a single parent $401K from birth to age 17. (Source)

Frenchies: have style for days. Plus, there are great brands that make outfits that protect them in a stylish way.

According to data from the APPA and ASPCA, aside from the initial cost (frenchies can range from $1400 – 8000) their upkeep can be upwards to $2k a year. Given that the average life span is 15 but to be fair (because no one wants their furbabies to pass), 17 years = $8000 + (17 x 2000)= $43,000.

@MrMarcel / instagram

Winner: Frenchies. Your frenchie will never steal $20 out of your wallet. They may chew it up as a puppy, but unleash that wallet because the human baby costs dwarf it. Also, they will let you twin with them their whole lives. I know toddlers who will only wear one outfit.

 

SNUGGLE TIME

KIDS: Oh how we love cuddles. Is there nothing more precious than holding little limbs in your own? The reality is most toddlers would rather run amuck than have morning cuddles, afternoon cuddles or sit on your lap for a movie night.

@eat.wear.travel / instagram

FRENCHIES: Who’s that watching you in the shower? Or shadowing you when you walk within ten feet of the kitchen? Yep, little farting snorters love their humans. Elle typically will display her “fake independence” when other humans are present, trying to show me she is loved. However, if I leave the room, she can’t be moved from the door waiting for me to return.

 

@piggyandpolly

Winner: Anyone who gets snuggles from their babies be it skin or fur!

 

POTTY TRAINING:

KIDS: Can take sometimes five years. Potty training is a serious hot button and is not rushed in human children.

Frenchies: House-trained in months.

 

Winner: Frenchies. While wee-wee pads can cost $100 per month and constantly cleaning the rugs, this phase doesn’t last long for furbabies. Note, some fur babies take longer than others, some eat their poop and some simply go to the door at five months old and give you the look that says “I go outside, I’m French.”


I am an aunt to three lively, unruly human children. After one of their birthday parties with ten toddlers, Elle and I came home and watched “Zero Dark Thirty.” Overall winner: [slam dunk] Frenchies—not only are they affectionate and little clowns, you can leave them at home alone for a few hours. I will always have a very big place in my heart for all the lovely little children I know, especially the older they get. Love, Auntie Coco

 

frenchie with crownAUTHOR INFO: Coco has been ruled by Elle, a petite bat pig for seven years. Trading Brooklyn for London, the two go on adventures all over England together. Coco has worked in entertainment for a long time but finds Elle more amusing than any rock star. You can follow Elle's adventures on IG: @grrlgenius_

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